Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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