Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
