I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
