The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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