I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
