well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize