thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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