these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
