have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize