we have officially lost it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
