did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
