smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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