My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize