is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm like, not good at living.
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