I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
