I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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