I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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