party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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