I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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