All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
