Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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