his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize