My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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