We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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