I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
