nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
