I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize