i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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