High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize