I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
