K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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