I hope mine doesn't look like that
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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