Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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