remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
please don't ironically join a cult
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