I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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