I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How does one acquire holy water?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
