her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
