this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize