Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
