She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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