I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
