Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
