I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You're a waste of cheezeits
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
