So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please, let me fuck your mom
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
