I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
