Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
