I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So many bounce houses so little time
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
