Moan for me like Helen Keller
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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