That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
