So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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