I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Im part way to drunk.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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