I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
