alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
