Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's just like the Real World with babies
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
