good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize