if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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