Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
