Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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