dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
