So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
