My hand turned me down
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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