Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
